My Little Gardeners

For the fall we planted peas and spinach in the boys' little garden plot. Alex took quite a bit of interest in it, and really enjoys watering the plants. I think he might be ready for some more hands-on work come Spring.

Getting the bucket to go water the plants.

We're working on which direction is best to dump the bucket. :)

Putting on Mommy's gloves to get to work.
He even got the kneeler on his own.

Locke isn't much of a green thumb just yet,
but he likes the sunshine either way.

Happy Birthday, Alex!

Our little guy turns two today! It's been a wonderful journey watching him learn and explore. He's a giant ball of energy, sweet, caring, and incredibly inquisitive. Happy Birthday, Alex!

Alex's First Haircut!

We had a big milestone today. It was Alex's first haircut! We hadn't cut Alex's hair at all and it had gotten really long. I had put off the haircut for as long as I could, but I couldn't style Alex's hair out of his face any longer so it was time to bit the bullet and let the hair fly!

Here's Alex a few weeks ago with his long blonde hair.
Many of these hairs have been there since birth.
Some were even seen on his ultrasound!

My grandparents were in town to meet Locke and were glad to accompany us to Alex's first haircut. We went to the local Cool Cuts. Alex did great! He got a little antsy but he never cried or got upset. The stylist did a great job and was really quick. I was quite impressed with how she handled him and the facility was very neat and clean. (Abilene folk- it may be expensive, but it's worth it for a hassle-free and low-stress event, which with little ones, can be worth a lot more than a haircut!)

We also got a little lock of hair in a special certificate/photo page keepsake thing. It's kinda sad to think that my first boy is growing up so fast. He's not a baby anymore, but he's growing into a very fine young lad.

Easy Fruit Valentines

Alex's class at daycare is having a little party tomorrow and they asked for treats to be bought. Well, I wanted to do something cute and fun but with a newborn, it also needed to be quick and easy. Jeramy and Abbey gave me the idea for the watermelon. Hailie inspired the oranges.

I took some cutie oranges and drew faces on half.
On the other half I wrote little messages like
you would see on conversation hearts.

I cut out little heart-shaped watermelon pieces.
With the metal cookie cutter, it was super easy.
The hardest part was trying to cut the watermelon into even slices!

A Little Vent, A Little Rant, A Lot of Prayer

This is my blog, so here are my thoughts. Warning: this will be a raw and honest post.

It's been a long and busy day and I'm tired and my OB said there's nothing to be done about my tired because that's what happens when you're pregnant with a nine month old.

I took Alex to the lab to have his immunoglobulin levels tested. We got the results today (I know, super fast, right!?) and his IgG and IgA were low. We've got our referral to see the pediatric immunologist next month and are just in a waiting pattern until then.

As you may know Alex has been sick a lot in his short nine months, and not normal little illnesses. While we've had some colds and sniffles, we've also had Rotovirus, RSV/Bronchiolitis, HFMD, Giotti-Crossi (Don't know what that is? Neither did the doctor.), and most recently, Pneumonia. What I wouldn't give for a simple ear infection. It's common for babies to have lots of colds and mild viruses, the sniffles and ear aches. That's just part of being a baby, but this isn't normal.

I'm really pretty open about Alex's health. I don't claim to have all the answers and I am not a doctor. I'm open to the experience of other parents who have been there and trying whatever may help, but Lord help me the next time someone tells me about how essential oils stopped their baby's runny nose or how the chiropractor stopped colic. And don't even get me started on the multitudes that told me to cut gluten from his diet before he had even had a taste of the stuff!

I know this all comes from well meaning people who are just trying to help and I very much appreciate the support that is behind the suggestion.

If I thought it would work, I'd do it. I am all up for finding a Mexican grandma to pray over him with an egg. We can light some candles. We can all hold some healing crystals and say some celtic prayer. I'm game.

I'm doing all that I can, but I'm tired. I'm tired of my baby being sick. I'm tired of knowing the receptionist at the doctor's office by name (except you, Amber, you rock). I'm tired of knowing more about what syringes I have at home than the pharmacists. I'm tired.

In all of this though, I'm so blessed that he's here. I'm overjoyed when I see him trying to walk and taking those first tiny little steps. It makes my day when he wakes up smiling and giggling at me in the mornings and I wouldn't trade that for the world!

I am also reminded that I am so blessed that he's only this sick. I have friends whose babies are having major, intense surgeries and I have friends whose babies are not on this earth any longer and I thank God that Alex is only this sick.

So there's my vent and my rant. Here's my prayer: I pray that God will keep my little guy healthy and strong while we figure this all out. I pray He gives Philip and I strength and endurance. I pray that He grant clarity and wisdom to Alex's doctors. Above all, I pray that our family is able to bring Him glory and honor in this time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 Corinthians 12:8-10:

Three times I pleased with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Alex Update- Almost Nine Months!

My little boy will be nine months on Sunday! He's gotten so big (23 1/2 pounds!) and is still quite the handful. Since my post in May, there's been a lot going on in his little life. Alex went to his first wedding! It was an outdoor wedding in Ranger and it was HOT but he did so well and he really loved the mariachi band!

Here he is at the wedding, very unhappy about the heat.
We only got to stay for about an hour of the reception,
but we had a lovely time.

Alex's GERD is still there. He's had some flare ups, but we've been able to keep on top of most of it. About two weeks ago, I took him in to see the doctor as he had had a terrible reflux weekend and was already maxed out on his meds. Turns out he had a virus that had caused him to start wheezing again. Doc put him on prednisone and sent us on our way. Well, fast forward to the following Thursday night and Alex starts clicking in his sleep. Totally weird, right? We call the doc and he confirms, it's totally weird. The doc could hear the click over the phone but had no idea what it could have been. So we go back to the doc the next day. Guess what? Pneumonia!

What in the what? Yeah, he got pneumonia in the middle of summer without ever acting sick. Sigh. When they do his bloodwork at his one year check, the doc plans to also look for possible causes of him always being sick with such big things. Oh how I'd love for Alex to just have the sniffles.

Like I said, Alex is still as happy as can be. He apparently didn't get the email saying you should act sick when something's wrong. Since my last post though, we've had two exciting, happy developments!

Alex is going to be a big brother!
Number Two is due 2/3/2014

And he's crawling now!

Miracle Skin Script!

Some of you may know that Alex has had his share of skin troubles. We started with a little "cradle cap" that ended up being a full blown eczema flare out! At his four month visit we talked with the doctor about it and he prescribed a miracle in a tube: Triamcinolone Acetonide Ointment

We try to keep only natural products in our home and really limit what we expose Alex to, but his skin was so bad, I was willing to try just about anything.

Here's the little guy's face before we used his medicine.

Here he is after just two uses. I couldn't believe how fast it worked!

We still have some of the cream and use it when tough spots pop up and it takes just a little dab to get him all fixed up!

Not every medication works for every person. Always discuss your child's medical issues and history with your physician and do not make medical decisions based off what you read on the internet.

Simplicity Sunday

I hope you're enjoying your Sabbath. Here are some sleeping baby pics to help you relax.

Fell asleep after a long walk.

Little guy sleeps on his tummy now. (His doing.)

Here's an oldie, but a goodie.
It's crazy how bad his eczema was!

Family Photos

We were very lucky to be able to take some family photos recently at the Jacob's Dream area on ACU's  campus. Korri Roberston is a local photographer just getting her business started here in Abilene. Here are some of my favorites.

Many thanks to Korri for helping capture this special time for our family! You can contact Korri here: korrirobertson@yahoo.com

We did receive this service for free as part of Korri building up her portfolio. I was not compensated for this post.

Happy Belated Father's Day

I've been meaning to get this up for a while, and just haven't yet. It seems Philip's first Father's Day went well. We had a good time at church and went to Bonzai for dinner.

Here's what Alex made for Philip at day care.

I had a local artist, Chris Summers, make this for Philip.
It's a stylization of Philip riding a chocobo with a little baby chocobo.
We have several of Chris's works and love them all.
Check out Chris's Facebook here.

I hope the men in your family had a great Father's day!

Sunday Simplicity

Today is Alex's baby blessing at church.
Here he is last week, sitting with Daddy and listening to the sermon.

Happy Fourth!

Happy Independence Day from Our Little Clan to yours!

Update on Alex

I got a video of one of Alex's pain episodes, a very mild one, but it was enough that at Alex's six month well visit the doc confirmed that what we were seeing was reflux pain. Here's the video:

What you're seeing is a very mild Sandifer's episode. The pain in his esophagus makes him want to stretch his throat out. Alex will generally sleep through these episodes and wakes up a happy boy in the morning. I will say that him sleeping through these episodes is the only saving grace. It makes it a lot easier to deal with his pain as it seems he doesn't remember it in the morning.

Lately his episodes have gotten worse. He's arching a lot more in them and is crying out. I spoke with the nurse today as we were worried he was having night terrors. That was her first guess as well. The doc however believes it to be his GERD. We're upping his meds tonight to see if that can stop his pain episodes.

Another issue we discussed was that the side of Alex's head was kinda flat. It wasn't too obvious and we had tried everything we could think of short of flipping his head with a spatula in his sleep. (Family joke, kinda.) The doc tested his range of motion and found that he was a little resistant. This is called Torticollis and is rather common among babies in general, but very common among babies with GERD. This article gives a great explanation of torticollis and the relationship to GERD.

Alex started physical therapy the week after his well visit. The therapist said his case was very mild but there was enough of a difference in his head diagonals (measurements of the skull diagonally across the head to form an X) that he would benefit from some stretching and PT. Alex hates the stretches, but in just a week she noticed a great difference in how his neck moved.

Even with all of this going on, Alex is a bright and happy little boy who recently fell in love with blueberries and zucchini. He may have a few extra appointments and we might be on a first name basis with our pharmacist (I also taught his kids in Sunday School), but he is none the wiser. He's snuggled in his swing napping right now. He had a little episode a few minutes ago, but it didn't even phase him.

Alex after enjoying his blueberries!

If your little one has infant reflux/GERD, I feel ya. It's more than just a laundry problem for a lot of families. Feel free to share your experience below!

Diaper Review: Chickapea Baby Extended Tab Prefolds

I am an avid pocket diaper lover. They comprise most of my stash, but don't really work for us over night. Alex is just too heavy of a wetter. We've been using a couple of fitteds at night but were getting leaks. The diapers were soaked in the morning and so were his jammies. So, even though I was not particularly interested in prefolds, I jumped at the chance to try Chickapea Baby Extended Tab Perfolds.

Chickapea Baby Extended Tab Prefolds

Chickapea Baby is a mom-owned business run by Melony, mom to four here in Abilene. Current offerings include the homemade extended tab prefolds, cloth wipes, teething jewelry or "bling", and boingos. You can read my review of the boingo here.

I prepped the diaper and booster on the stovetop to make it a bit quicker and hung both pieces on the line. Putting the diaper on seemed a little daunting, but I studied Melony's instructions and practiced a few times diapering a stuffed animal first. I was able to get the diaper on and secured properly. I was pretty proud of this and may have done a little happy dance. (No judging.) I will say that when Alex is particularly squirmy, it can be a challenge. I think once I've gotten more used to it, I'll be able to do it faster.

We had no leaks that night! Or any other night we've used this diaper. Some nights, the diaper doesn't even feel soaked all the way through. I'm using a hemp diaper with a booster "insert" for added absorbency. Overall, it's a great diaper and much less daunting than it seemed! I might just be a prefold convert!

We're trying to find the cover that will work for us but have used a Flip and a Sweet Pea cover with success. After the diaper was prepped I just included it with our regular diaper laundry. It does take longer to dry then my pockets, but it's so much thicker!

I've already picked up another medium (the size Alex fits now) and have ordered two larges for when he grows out of this size, which probably won't be any time soon. You can get the diapers in hemp (what we used) or bamboo. There are a variety of prints. We have "All Crabby" (so cute!) and a striped one.

I received our All Crabby diaper at a discounted price as part of a small test group. I was not compensated for this review.

Simplicity Sunday

Here are some photos from when we went to the State Park earlier this month. We met up with some other cloth diapering families and had a great time. We saw some deer and birds and Alex tried his first watermelon chunk!

Drooling at the park!

Daddy trying to get him to smile.

Finally smiling at Daddy.

All tuckered out.

A Mother's Day Wish

Some of you may recall when I wrote about Alex's feeding issues I mentioned that he struggled to keep his food down. Others of you have watched my Facebook posts about Alex's reflux. They diagnosed Alex with infant acid reflux at his two month well baby visit and upgraded it to GERD in March.

If you're not familiar, here's some info on infant reflux and GERD. (Alex has ten of the GERD symptoms listed.)

We started doing all the "behavioral" treatments, thickened feeds, keeping upright after meals, no time flat on his back, loose clothes, etc, around his first birthday. We tried the special "reflux" version of Enfamil at his 2 month check, it didn't do any good. (Just a side note: the Enfamil AR is slightly pink in color. If it doesn't stop your baby's reflux, you will have slightly pink stains on everything. You've been warned.) Then, Alex got started on Zantac. Yep, they make baby Zantac, it's even mint flavored.

The Zantac worked for a little while. About two weeks before Alex's four month visit his reflux symptoms started slowly coming back. By his well check, they were getting pretty strong again. The doctor increased his dose and said that would take care of it. Another week or two go by and I start questioning if I remembered to give Alex his meds. By the way he was acting and how much he was puking, I could have been squirting rain water in his mouth.

I call the doc and they switch him to Prevacid. It really seems to help, but after about two weeks he still seems grumpy to me. The doc assures me that he's fine. (He also says that I have too much empathy, but that's a different post.) I tell myself that the meds might just need a little longer. That was the end of March.

Around mid-April, Alex starts whining in his sleep again. He doesn't wake up, but he whines and arches his back. My first thought is that it's his reflux acting up again. Philip calms me down. We don't know that it's reflux yet. It could be teething or bad dreams. We agree to just keep an eye on him. By the end of the month he's more fussy, his still arching his back in his sleep, he's spitting more (and occasionally puking), he's fussing at his food and some of his spit-up is yellow. Now we know. This is reflux.

It was time to renew Alex's prescription. His six month visit is only a week and half away so we don't really feel we need another appointment just yet. When we call in the script we ask for an increased dose. They doubled the dose and we are to report back at the well baby visit. And that brings you to now.

Alex has only been on the increased dose for two days so there's no way to tell yet if it's going to work. He doesn't seem to be spitting as much, but he's still showing some signs of pain. If I could have anything in the world for Mother's Day, I'd want him to healthy. I'd want him to take a nap and sleep peacefully. I'd want him to play on the floor without his tummy hurting or rolling into a pool of his own spit-up. Maybe, by Sunday he'll be feeling better.

Alex made this at daycare for Mother's Day. :)

Do you have a GERD or reflux baby? How do you cope with their pain?

Scariest Moment of My Life

Around noon on Valentine's Day I got a call from daycare that Alex had a fever of 100.0 and needed to be picked up. He had had a cough for awhile, but hadn't been congested in several days. Still, we go to the doctor. The doctor said that he had Bronchiolitis and probably had RSV seems how we both had some cold symptoms. We did a breathing treatment in the office and the doc sent us home with our own little nebulizer and Alburol script so that we could treat him at home. She seemed confident that he would be better and able to return to daycare on Monday.

This is Roscoe Frog, Alex's nebulizer.
All the cool kids have one. ;)

Things go well Thursday and most of Friday. His breathing was rather labored but the treatments seemed to help. Friday I was getting us ready to go pick up Philip from the airport (he had been in California for business) and before doing Alex's breathing treatment I did a respiration count. He took 58 breaths in one minute and 61 the next. I called the on call doc and she said to do his treatment and if it helps, just keep an eye him, if it doesn't, he'll have to go to the hospital.

I already had his treatment set up so I sat down with him and we go started. He hated it. This loud machine was blowing stuff in his face and this big green thing (the mask) was always in front of him. He squirmed and kicked and fought. The nurse had said that they just more medicine that way because they take more breaths. Well, as he's kicking and screaming and coughing, his eyes started to roll back. I immediately called my mom (she used to be a peds nurse) who told me to take him straight to the emergency room.

I already had the diaper bag next to the car seat for us to leave. I grabbed my keys and as I started to put Alex into his car seat, he turned grey. (My heart is pounding as I type this.) I rubbed on his little chest and his color came back. He started screaming at me again (lately he has hated getting into his car seat). I grabbed the diaper bag and ran out to the car. Later I realized that I hadn't locked the door.

I broke every possible traffic law on the way to the hospital and bottomed out coming over a few hills (no damage to the car). Alex was crying. A few blocks from the hospital he went silent. No cries. No wimpers. No little Alex jabber. I don't know that I ever prayed so hard that a baby would cry.

When I got to the hospital (probably less than three minutes from when I called my mom), I went to get Alex out and he was as white as a ghost. I rubbed his chest and he woke up looking pretty startled and out of it. I ran him into the ER and handed him over the counter to the nurse as I told her that he had Bronchiolitis and had turned grey. She took him straight back.

A few minutes later they let me back to his exam room. I texted a friend to go pick up Philip from the airport. Once they had assessed Alex and saw that he okay, they had me sit on the guerny and hold him. They tested him for RSV and it came back positive. They did a breathing treatment and X-ray in the ER. Philip got there just before they put in Alex's IV and sent us up to Pediatrics.

The doctor and the nurse think that Alex had so much thick mucus in his lungs that when he was coughing during the breathing treatment a piece go lodged in his airway. He was admitted and we spent Friday through Tuesday at Hendricks.

He had two types of breathing treatments every 4 hours: a saline solution to help break up the mucus and the Alburol to help open up his lungs. The respiratory nurses also did chest precussions to help loosen it all up. They did eventually start an IV to keep him hydrated so that he didn't have to eat as his stats seemed to dip while he drank.

He's doing much better now. He's still wheezing and sometimes breathing heavy, but that could continue for up to a month. He's likely to develop asthma now and we've been warned that he could wheeze with any respiratory illness in the next year.

Through it all, he only acted "sick" for about a day. He's been a little extra fussy the last few days but he's also drooling like a hounddog so I think he's getting some teeth in. He's such a strong little guy and I am so blessed to be his mommy.

Alex playing with his yellow block in the hospital.
He still used his IV hand to play so I had to give him toys he didn't have to grasp.

I'm Starting to be Convinced...

A little while back I got Alex an Amber Teething necklace through a co-op with some other moms. I've heard moms rave about baltic amber and it's ability to soothe teething babies and with Alex starting to teethe early (he showed obvious teething signs shortly after one month) I decided to give it a try.

Well, Alex pretty much always wears his. At daycare and bedtime he wears it on his ankle under a sock or footed sleep and play. One day, I forgot to put it on his ankle before day care and so they took it off because it's a choking hazard (but really only if not supervised properly). That day, they also reported that he was very fussy which is not like him.

Tonight I went to change Alex and had to change his outfit because the daycare lady didn't put the diaper on right (she's new). I took the necklace off his ankle and put it next to the change mat with the intention to put it on his neck when I changed him. Well, I forgot to put it back on.

Alex normally sleeps from 6:30/7 until we wake him for bath and feeding. He normally falls asleep easily and stays sound asleep that whole time. Tonight he fought taking his nap and woke up after only about an hour. He fussed a bit but did eventually fall asleep. It was when he woke up that I realized that he didn't have his necklace on.

Now, two events are not enough to prove that the necklace works, at least not to this skeptic, but I'm starting to think I might get convinced soon.

You can see Alex's necklace peaking out just a little here.
A teething necklace if worn around the neck should be tucked
into a shirt so little hands can't grab it.

You can find more info about teething necklaces and the one I bought for Alex from Inspired by Finn here: http://hyenacart.com/stores/inspiredbyfinn/index.php

*This is not an endorsement for Inspired By Finn or their products. I'm just providing the link if you want more information.

**Please note: There are safety concerns involved in using amber necklaces. All parents should use good judgement when choosing products for their children.

One Stressful Week

Saturday:
Alex and I were out running errands. He had been napping pretty soundly for awhile and had slept through a feeding. He had been pretty hungry the week before so I figure he's having a growth spurt and that's what made him so sleepy. We're at Drug Emporium when he wakes up. I change him and fix him a bottle. I feed him while looking at some of the baby/toddler foods they had available, after all it won't be too much longer before he starts solids. He eats most of his bottle and then throws up, big time. He's covered, his carseat and stroller are covered; it's gross. I change him and wipe up his seat as best I can. He still had about an ounce or so left in the bottle so after a few minutes, I offer that to him. He pukes again. Well, I only had one set of clothes with me so we high tail it out of the store and back home to get him cleaned up.

Sunday:
We stayed home from church. Philip had a migraine and with the vomiting the day before, I'm thinking Alex's reflux meds aren't working and I don't really want to have him spew at church. Later that day he throws up again. Again there are two spews close together. I make a plan to call the doc in the morning so we can discuss his reflux meds. My mom recommends giving him a tiny bit of rice cereal and mashed banana to help soak up the extra stomach acid. He enjoys his first tastes of real food, but his tongue thrust reflex is still pretty strong so he only gets a few bites. Alex sleeps a full eight hours plus some that night.

Monday:
I have the day off for MLK Jr. Day but Philip has to work. Alex has a large, loose bowel movement in the morning. He eats about half his bottle, then vomits and falls back to sleep. I call the doctor's office and leave a message for the nurse. When Alex wakes up again he has mucusy, bloody diarrhea. He eats a half bottle then falls back asleep. I call again and the receptionist says there's no appointments until the following morning so I leave another message for the nurse and call my mom. She thinks its serious. I debate on taking Alex to the walk-in clinic near the apartments. I want him to be seen but don't want to expose him to the flu which will be in all those waiting rooms. I send mom a picture of his bloody stool and she calls back and says to take Alex to the doctor or the emergency room. I text Philip that he needs to come home now and call the doctor's office again. I tell them I will be taking my infant to the emergency room if they cannot see him that day. He has an appointment at 1:30.

I pack a simple diaper bag thinking we'll only be gone a few hours and go to the doctor, bloody diaper in tow. They weigh Alex when we get there. He's 11 pounds, 14 ounces! We see Dr. L who confirms that it was blood in his stool. That stool combined with him sleeping through feeds has her worried. She gives us orders for him to be admitted to the hospital for tests and to make sure he stays hydrated. The office is on the hospital campus so it's a quick drive to the main hospital. Philip drops us off at Admissions and goes back to the office to wrap up the project he was working on. I fill out the admissions papers and we wait for his room to be ready.

Once we get the room, the nurses start his vitals and the tests that Dr. L ordered. He's a full two feet tall! He hated the infant pulse-ox and blood pressure cuff. They take him blood, but not from his heel like I was used to, they take it from his arm and both nurses have to hold him down to do it. This was worst part of all the tests. He screamed and screamed. When he caught my eye, he just stared at me and cried his lungs out. I held his little hand and stroked his hair and they were done not nearly soon enough. I held him for a little while and then we were off to get his ultrasound done. The tech tells me that the scan looks normal but they will have to wait for the doctor to give the all clear.



On the way back to the room (themed after the Berenstain Bears Go On Vacation) the nurse tells me that he's positive for Rotavirus so we have to be very careful to wash our hands, especially after any diaper changes. The nurse doesn't know if that's the problem though. He can't eat until the doctor gives the all clear on the ultrasound so the nurse gives me some sugar water to make his paci sweet and help keep him happy. A little while later she brings in some Pedialyte and says the doc gave him the okay to try to eat as his ultrasound was clear and he wasn't going to be needing surgery.

He drinks some of the Pedialyte but obviously isn't happy with it. I think he only drank it because he'd gulp it so fast before he could taste it. When Dr. L comes by for rounds she says he can have formula again. He loves that idea! He eats a whole bunch and sleeps pretty well that night. When they weighed him he had lost a little weight, but the nurse assures me that it wasn't much (they weighed him in kilograms so it was hard for me to tell as I was never very good with the metric system).

Resting after a long day

Tuesday:
In the morning, Dr. Su. checks on him. She says that if he keeps his food down he might be able to go home that night. She assures me that his weight loss was minimal and was the difference of having eaten or peed recently. All his tests had come back except his bacteria cultures which could take 24-48 hours and the only positive so far was the Rotavirus, but she couldn't say if it was from the vaccine he got a week ago or if he caught a wild strain. He does really well that day and is on full formula feedings by about midday. He spits up quite a bit a couple of times, but it's not enough to be clearly vomit. He does still have very liquid stools during the day. Dr. Sh. sees him that evening. He's not quite comfortable letting him go home yet, especially since the bacteria cultures aren't back and he wants to rule out Salmonella and E. Coli both of which can cause bloody stools.  He suggests Alex get Similac Sensitive formula as it's made for those with lactose sensitivity and having diarrhea can lead to temporary lactose intolerance. We switch his formula and he does well that night.

Wednesday:
Dr. L sees Alex in the morning. His bacteria cultures came back negative. He's free to go home. He can even return to daycare after a day of no diarrhea or vomiting. Because he got sick so soon after getting his first Rotavirus vaccine (it was just a week prior to symptoms) there's no way to tell if he got it from the vaccine or if he just caught it. He won't be getting the second dose of the Rotavirus vaccine. He got the virus so he has the antibodies now. She'll note this incident in his chart for when he goes to school. We go home and I bleach all his diapers and sanitize everything in sight. That night we try going back to his regular formula and he throws up again. We call the doctor. Dr. Su is on call and says to put him back on Pedialyte and try formula again later. She says that if we want, she will readmit him, otherwise we can just bring him in in the morning. He does well with the Pedialyte but shows a few symptoms of dehydration so I decide that I will make sure he takes at least two ounces every two hours. He also develops a bit of a cough during this time. It doesn't sound like his regular reflux cough. He also has a low grade fever.

Thursday:
Alex still has some very loose stools. Some of them look a little red. I'm pretty sure it's just the dyes from the Pedialyte but I bring a diaper with us to the doctor just in case. Dr. Su sees him that afternoon.  She says that he looks good and he's okay to stay at home as long as he doesn't do any more backsliding. She also says that he could have diarrhea for a week and that would be okay. She takes a listen to his chest. It appears he picked up a cold at the hospital. We don't have any vomiting or bowel movements that night but he does spit up a bit when we try a thickened feed.

Friday (today):
We had healthy stool today! It was a bit dark and pasty, but definitely not diarrhea! He's still had a slight fever and a bit of a cold. He seems to be teething too. He's done really well. He's spitting up a bit, but I think that's because we haven't been thickening his feeds. He's happy and eating great.

This has been the most stressful week ever. I hated being at the hospital but it was better safe than sorry.  I'm so relieved that he's feeling better and that it wasn't something more serious. I just pray he's never in the hospital again (unless he decides to become a surgeon).

Hungry, Hungry Baby

I'm writing this to honor a wonderful time of my baby's life, to celebrate how far we have come, and to help other moms who may have been where we were. I write this knowing that there are people out there who will think less of me as a mother for what I'm about to say, but I write it anyways because it's our story and I am not ashamed of it.

Getting his suppliment at four weeks. His little face was so skinny.

I have not pumped or breastfed Alex since Friday and I am not going to again. He's happy and healthy and it's been a journey to get him there.

When Alex was born I was dead set on him being exclusively breastfed. I was going to be one of these awesome moms who just whips out a boob and feeds him no matter where we are until he decided otherwise. I was going to pump at work so much that I could feed him and donate extra milk. At least, that's what I thought.

Alex learned to latch pretty quickly in the hospital though we did have to use the nipple shield to give him enough to hold onto. When he was hungry and wanting to eat, he'd go at it like a champ, but he wasn't often interested and didn't really want to nurse for very long. The nurses assured me that this was ok. Newborns are like that sometimes.

The day he was circumsized was a very busy day at the hospital. We had family and friends visit and Alex was alert and looking at everyone who held him. But he didn't ever seem hungry. He didn't eat, or attempt to eat, for over six hours. Then he was hungry, tired, and over stimulated, and he wouldn't latch for the life of me. The nurse at the hospital was great and worked with us for an hour and half, but he just wouldn't nurse. Finally, she said that he needed to eat and we should probably give him a little formula. He down those two ounces!

The next day the nurse said that we needed to get him to latch without the nipple shield. For some reason using the nipple shield was bad. (I still don't know why it was so terrible.) Well, we worked at it and he got to where he'd latch about half the time, but still didn't nurse for very long.

We went home without the nipple shield, after all, the nurse said it was bad. My milk came in the night we got home. I felt like this was the best thing ever. Finally I knew that Alex was going to be eating! Not only did I feel engorgment but I could see good white milk coming out. Alex however wasn't so thrilled.

Alex fought against the breast. I mean he FOUGHT! This little boy was so strong that I was worried I would hurt him trying to get him to latch. Several times I would give up and sit there and sob while he screamed. He was hungry and I had milk for him, but he just wouldn't even come close to try. We had to start making him some formula every now and then as he simply wasn't eating.

We finally went out and got a nipple shield at Target after the lactation specialist convinced me that the one time he got a bottle in the hospital had given him nipple confusion and supplementing was just making him more confused about how to eat.

Well, he started nursing with the nipple shield and we were down to just one formula bottle a day at his two week visit. At two weeks babies are supposed to be back up to their birth weight. Alex was still three ounces short. It wasn't too much, but we had to go back for a weight check in a week just to be sure he had caught up.

That week he was exclusively breastfed. And he nursed a lot. I spent a few hours each day just nursing him. He went from never wanting to nurse to wanting to  be at the breast so much we were being told to try to hold him off so I'd have time to make more milk. He literally would suck me dry a few times a day and still want more. At the weight check at three weeks, Alex hadn't gain any weight. With all that nursing he was doing, he didn't gain a single ounce of weight.

Then we had to start supplimenting. His lack of weight gain and the doctor saying we needed to suppliment made my heart sink. We had been working so hard for so long. I felt like I had failed as a mother. I fought back tears as I listened to the doc's advice to get his weight back up. The doc said to offer two ounces after every other feeding or if he seemed hungry. She warned that it could lower my supply as it might make him go longer than every two hours for feeds. We started the suppliments and he was a much happier baby. All that fussing he had been doing, he was just hungry. I take that back, he wasn't hungry, he was starving.

After 30-60 minutes of nursing, Alex always seemed hungry. He would eat a full two ounces after each nursing session and be hungry again in less than two hours. At this time I was getting ready to go back to work and started pumping. I was able to get about half an ounce to an ounce after some of his feedings and stored this away for when he'd need it while I'm gone.

Alex had another weight check at four weeks. At this one he had not only gained back his birth weight but an extra ounce as well! That was wonderful news. We were getting him dressed again and getting ready to leave when I looked down at his billing slip and saw the diagnosis code: Failure To Thrive. Those three little words were a huge shock. I knew he was having trouble gaining, but failure to thrive is some serious stuff. Philip reassured me that he would be okay, that we got it figured out and he was doing fine.

I don't know that I've told anyone else about that diagnosis code. I feel like those fifteen letters were somehow stitched in scarlet on my breastplate but only I could see them. At this point Alex was probably getting about 50% formula, 50% breastmilk and I had every breastfeeding mother telling me about how breastmilk was best and formula was so terrible. It was toxic and "venom" and they could never give it to their babies, not knowing what it really was. Everyone put in their two cents about how he needed to be exclusively breastfed until he was at least six months. Even the formula cans have in big bold letters: Breastmilk is best for babies.

I just wanted to scream at every one and any one:

"But my son was starving! Literally starving! Can't you see? Don't you understand? He needs this. I tried. I tried so hard, but he needs the formula."

Alex was primarly formula fed for his second month. I still nursed him when I was home and then gave him formula until he was about six weeks old. That's when his reflux really began to show. He was spitting up everything, even my breastmilk. We changed formulas and I watched what I ate, but it didn't matter, he just kept spitting up. Not only was he spitting up, but he fussed at his bottles and seemed generally uncomfortable any time he was laying down. Finally, we started thickening his bottles. This really seemed to help him keep his formula down, but he was still spitting up after nursing. Well, you can't exactly add rice cereal to your breasts. I started pumping even at home so that he could get thicken breastmilk. However, it was just not realistic to pump as often as I was nursing. My supply started to go down and pretty soon I was pumping for twenty painful minutes to barely get an ounce. Then I decided to just stop pumping and let Alex be formula fed only.

This whole experience has been incredibly trying, but through it all I learned what it means to really be a good mother. Being a good mother doesn't have a damn thing to do with what you feed your babies. Being a good mom isn't dependent upon whether your child nurses from a nipple made of flesh or plastic. Being a good mom means doing what is best for your baby and making sure they are happy and healthy.

I am a good mom. We have a few bags of breastmilk left in freezer but once they're gone, Alex will be exclusively formula-fed. And he will be happy and healthy. He is growing and is so strong. And I will proudly buy those giant cans of formula at SAMs club and mix up his bottles everywhere we go. And I couldn't care less what anyone else has to say about it.

I know there are some moms who will read this and think that I'm a terrible, horrible mother. But there are other moms out there who went through the same thing, or are going through it now, and all those judgemental women are making those moms go through this without any help or support. When you're doing everything you can your baby isn't gaining weight, it's down right terrifying and all those judgemental comments and back handed remarks just make the worry grow even more.

If your baby is having trouble gaining weight, or if you've had to go to formula even though you wanted to breastfeed only: you are not alone, and you are a good mom. Don't let anyone tell you different.